人际泡沫——Social bubble (or interpersonal bubble) ，describes the situation in which people seem to have a wide range of social connections, but when it comes to real friendship, few remain in the circle. Following the wave of financial bubble and real estate bubble, social bubble is showing up among office workers in recent years.
Your phone is filled with name cards whose owners might be total strangers to you. There are many contacts in your instant messenger that you may never start a conversation with or whose name has slipped from your memory. You may have many “friends” in your cell phone contact list, but there is no one you can talk to when you are upset.
1. Be present for their highs and lows
“If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.”
——威尔·史密斯 Will Smith
It’s easy to be there for our friends when they ask us out for fun things like drinks at the bar, dancing in the club, or laughs at the theater. But are you willing to be there for the hard times that are the opposite of fun? You might not feel comfortable while spending time with an emotionally fragile person on the verge of tears, but true friends are readily available when they’re needed the most.
2. Know when to hush.
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”
——海明威 Ernest Hemingway
The act of vocally expressing our troubles to a trusted friend can offer instant stress-reduction. Give your friend the gift of silence so they can drop their baggage and get on with living.
3. Offer your encouragement.
“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.”
——爱默生 Ralph Waldo Emerson
The four most inspiring words you can speak to another person? I believe in you.
4. Accept them as they are.
“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.”
——乔治·奥威尔 George Orwell
If you can’t accept a person as they are, you will never know the feeling of true friendship. Fight the urge to attempt to “fix” them, no matter how crazy their mannerisms might make you.
5. Challenge them to grow.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
——海伦·凯勒 Helen Keller
If a friend tells you they plan to drop 10 lbs, tell them, “10 lbs? Please. I bet you can get so fit that people’s jaws will drop when you walk past them.” Throw down the gauntlet, make sure they know you believe they can do it, and ask: “Challenge accepted?”
6. Be vulnerable.
“I found that the more truthful and vulnerable I was, the more empowering it was for me.”
——艾拉妮丝·莫莉塞特 Alanis Morissette
Hiding your flaws might be appropriate in a job interview, but it’s not something you should do in a conversation with a friend you trust. Never hesitate to speak your thoughts and feelings in their raw and unfiltered form. Who knows? They might open up and disclose a surprising secret in return. Full disclosure will strengthen your friendship and make you both feel at ease in each other’s company.
7. Forgive the past.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Have you ever hurled an insult at a person when you were feeling stressed and wished you could take it back? If so, you should understand that even the best of us suffer from the occasional slip of the tongue. Holding onto a grudge over a minor slip-up will make you look petty, so let it go.
8. Watch out for jealousy.
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
——贝蒂·米勒 Bette Midler
Your friend landed his dream job and you feel stuck in a rut. Your friend scored a hot date with Mr. Perfect and you feel down and depressed. Jealousy is a nasty feeling that can take hold of our thoughts without warning. If a friend achieves something you aspire to do, channel that jealous feeling into an “if they did it, I can too” attitude.
9. Speak the truth (even if it hurts).
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
——奥斯卡·王尔德 Oscar Wilde
Have you ever watched a friend damage her self-esteem by staying in an emotionally abusive relationship? I have, and it hurts more than words can express. Confronting a person about an inconvenient truth isn’t easy, but sometimes it needs to be done. If you have something to say and can’t find the nerves to do it, ask yourself, “How would I feel if it was me making a very bad decision and my friend said nothing about it?” While speaking out doesn’t guarantee you’ll change their mind, staying silent does guarantee you’ll regret not speaking up sooner.
10. Make it special.
“We are all special cases.”
——阿尔贝·加缪 Albert Camus
The greatest friendships have quirks and qualities that are exclusive to them. Search for a special activity, gesture, or saying that is reserved for your true friend only. That could be a song you belt out on every car ride, a goofy handshake or gesture that no one else understands, or a weekly ritual just for the two of you.
a nodding acquaintance/a bowing acquaintance
a casual acquaintance
a chance acquaintance
a mercenary friend